A Note To Myself

thinking

 

When I was young, a teenager, I had many dreams. I wanted a career, wished to travel and see the world, hoped to do whatever I wanted to without a single care. Now that I am grown and more mature, I realize my naivety. Had I been a man most of what I dreamt could have been easy to achieve or at-least work towards. As a woman I comprehend that my upbringing and society has laid such invisible chains around me that it is impossible to break through.

Once I started working I knew that I was not much of a career woman. Although, while I worked I delivered my best I also came to figure out that my soul was a wanderer and as such my heart was never into becoming a full time professional. So, post marriage giving up my job was one of the easiest decisions that I had to make.

As life went ahead, I was blessed with two children. I got to travel some, even though within the country, the places were new and the experiences enlightening. In all, I was happy and satisfied. At first I had no clue that something was missing, but the unrest within started becoming more and more obvious as each day passed. Maybe the fact that my youngest one too would be starting school very soon had me wondering what I would do with all the time on my hands. My irritation and frustration with life started reflecting in my behavior. I could not blame anyone else for my decisions as they were my own. It was time to change.

Change never comes on its own, you have to work towards it, a step at a time. I started looking for work that I could do in my free time without overlooking my family and its needs. The search was frustrating. With so many websites offering work from home opportunities, I never knew which were real and which frauds were. Finally, after months of searching my efforts paid off and I started working as a freelance content writer. The initial hiccups wanted me to just give up, sit back and have a good cry. A quitter I am not, so I decided to take the bull by the horns. By no account were my earnings even satisfactory, but I was not in it for money. I was working so as to make myself feel more useful , productive and important. My work made me feel valued and needed.

As life tends to do quite often, it sent me in a tailspin yet again and I had to give up my job temporarily. And yet my short stint in freelancing has made me more aware of how pivotal a person I am when it comes to my family.

A note to myself :

“I might not have seen the whole world yet, but I still have time. There is a long way ahead and my family needs me more. They may not show it every day in words or action how I bind them but my absence makes them feel lost and unprepared. I might not be happy everyday but most days I am so why just concentrate on those few bad days. I am important and my work as a homemaker is more important than any other job in the world. Tomorrow will be a bright, new and shiny day and will bring a whole horde of new opportunities. I just have to grasp them when they cross my path. Life shall go on and I will have to remember each day that staying at home does not make me any less important … still a little appreciation now and then would go a long way in making my days even brighter”.

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